7 things you should never hear while driving cross country

(an homage to the “7 Dirty words you should never say on tv” by George Carlin, ob-effin-m.

[written last night. See #9 for why it’s being posted this am]

1. The mechanic at Canadian Tire can’t see you until 2
2. Oh look! A bear crossing the road - Oh. That truck just hit it. (was okay, the bear just got clipped, slid on his rear, and got up and finished crossing. The truck, however...)
3. There’s a Bank of Montreal in Salmon Arm. We can stop there to wire the deposit for our new apartment to Israel. Oh. It’s going to take over an hour? You have to call Toronto? You can’t do a direct wire to Israel, it has to go through Poland?
4. Hey, it’s raining. I love sun showers! Especially when we have a duffel bag and a suitcase strapped to the top of the car. Oh, is that why we brought the tarp?
5. Is that… HAIL???
6. We can stop at Lake Louise for a few minutes. It’s beautiful, I’ve never seen it and Maimo could use a stretch. Um, is that rain? (it was sunny when we left the highway. We were thoroughly drenched by the time we got back to the car. As were the duffel bag and suitcase.)
7. The Trans-Canada goes directly through Calgary at 70KPH??? With traffic lights?? That’s just stupid.
And for bonus:
8. The renamed Princess Petunia of the Cherokee Jeeps sailed through Alberta like a trouper, clocking in at 130kph (outside of Calgary, of course). That speed on straight highway leads to lots of bugs committing bugicide on the windshield.

And on the duffel bag. And the suitcase.

Oh. THAT’S why we brought the tarp.

9. What do you mean the free wireless internet access signal doesn’t reach our room?

Reporting from Brooks “what is that smell anyway?” Alberta. Good nite.